Betty’s Attic
Betty never shirked a day of work
She was the picture of the perfect clerk
She knew at the Bureau that mum’s the word
No matter what secrets might be overheard
She never typed off-key or misplaced her smile
Misspelled a memo or lost a file
Bosses came and bosses went
She outlasted thirteen Presidents
Betty played the undercover charade
As half a century slipped by
Mysteries mastered and history made
While her unwatched eyes spied on the FBI
Precious treasures collecting dust
Up in Betty’s attic
Alien alloys that never rust
Up in Betty’s attic
A month would not be nearly enough
To catalogue Betty’s attic
You wouldn’t believe even half the stuff
Up in Betty’s attic
Up in Betty’s attic
Up in Betty’s attic
Betty knew the name of every agent hired
Baked cakes for the burnt out, fired and retired
She knew what every coded message meant
And all the hidden passages in the vents
The closets where skeletons lay interred
How the bugs were wired to catch every word
She was the Bureau’s pride and joy
But Betty was a mole on a deep cover mission
Moonlighting covertly in the employ
Of the Arcturian diplomatic delegation
She also drew paychecks from the Romulans
The Dogons the Vogons and the Greys
If you had Sirius means, Betty had the way
Precious treasures collecting dust
Up in Betty’s attic
Alien alloys that never rust
Up in Betty’s attic
A month would not be nearly enough
To catalogue Betty’s attic
You wouldn’t believe even half the stuff
Up in Betty’s attic
Up in Betty’s attic
Up in Betty’s attic
Betty collected her own evidence
Her paranormal stash was beyond immense
She had artifacts dated centuries hence
Souvenirs from all sort of impossible events
She had Bigfoot’s very rare little toe
Road maps of Atlantis and orbs that glow
Half a dozen chunks of pure Philosopher’s Stone
A fortune in uncut Kryptonite alone
Cursed monkey’s paws and Loch Ness jaws
Wizard’s wands and vampire fangs
Vintage vinyl from the final
Concert Eurydice and Orpheus sang
Six pickled pairs of angel wings
And an array of automatic boomerangs
When Betty was found without a breath
Her collection passed to Goodwill and dispersed
What they never knew was that it wasn’t death
She’d only transferred to another Universe
So if you closely encounter something strange
Shimmering on your thrift store shelf
It’s worth at least a pocket full of change
To snag some attic stash for yourself
Precious treasures collecting dust
Up in Betty’s attic
Alien alloys that never rust
Up in Betty’s attic
A month would not be nearly enough
To catalogue Betty’s attic
You wouldn’t believe even half the stuff
Up in Betty’s attic
Up in Betty’s attic
Up in Betty’s attic
No Mind Left Unblown
The studio debut from
Air Lift Underground-
Air Lift Underground Living Theater is brought to you by
Amana Mission Publishing Ink.
